“The Avengers” of the NFL – Part 2

Brian May 8, 2012 1

Part 1 of this mini series featured my picks for more well-known members of The Avengers. However, this edition will feature the lesser-known Avengers and even one of the Villains. Read on to find out which NFL players I think most closely resemble a real-life Hawkeye, Black Widow, Nick Fury, and Loki.

Hawkeye:

Marvel – While Clint Barton has no superhuman powers, he is at the very peak of human conditioning; he is an exceptional fencer, acrobat and a grandmaster marksman, having been trained from childhood in the circus and by the criminals Trick Shot and Swordsman. Hawkeye has also been thoroughly trained by Captain America in tactics, martial arts, and hand-to-hand combat.

NFL – Drew Brees has lead the NFL in pass completion percentage for the past three years and is often among the league’s elite QB’s in terms of passer rating. I am not sure how his fencing skills are, but he sure can thread the needle. Countless times we have seen him throw into double and triple coverage, putting it where only his receiver can make a play. At 6’0″, Brees has had to overcome issues that QBs like Tom Brady and Peyton Manning have not had to deal with, like frequently batted down balls and lack of vision through passing lanes. Which is why I am confident in saying that there is no better marksman in the NFL today.

Honorable Mentions - Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady, and I can’t believe I am going to say this but, Peyton Manning.

Black Widow:

Marvel - The Black Widow is a world class athlete and gymnast, expert martial artist (including karate, judo, aikido, savate, various styles of kung fu, and boxing), marksman, and weapons specialist as well as having extensive espionage training. She is also an accomplished ballerina.

NFL – Eli Manning. Now I know that you might be thinking “How the hell can you compare anyone in the NFL to a female superhero when the NFL is comprised of all men?” Well, here is my justification. In all honesty, I feel like the whole “world class athlete” comparison is a bit of a stretch. But the “ballerina” part I can totally see. I mean when he gets flustered in the pocket and attempts to run away from oncoming tacklers, there is just this gracefulness about the way that he moves, and I could never put my finger on it until now.

Honorable Mentions - Tony Romo, Philip Rivers, and every Kicker in the League.

Nick Fury:

Marvel – Nick Fury, is an active physical man despite being over 80 years of age. He served during World War II and was a test subject of the Super Soldier program (albiet as an unwilling participant). In this reality, the Super Soldier serum not only gave Fury low level super-human strength and agility but has also reduced his aging, allowing Fury to continue to be active despite his advanced chronological age. Fury had his right arm replaced with a cybernetic arm that gives him even greater strength than his enhanced biological original. He lost his left eye and the skin around the left eye-socket is shown to be badly scarred, extending beyond the eye patch. General Fury is an exceptional combatant and strategist and a gifted field leader.

NFL – Michael Vick. Feel free to tell me if I am wrong, but I see some striking resemblances here…

Nick Fury is black…Michael Vick is black.
Nick Fury was an unwilling participant in a scientific experiment, much like Michael Vick’s dogs were unwanting participants in his underground dog fighting ring.
Nick Fury has a cybernetic right arm, so does Michael Vick, except Vick’s bionic arm is on the left side and it allows him to throw 60 yard bombs while backpedaling.
Nick Fury has hampered eye sight due to the fact that he lost his left eye. I don’t know what Vick’s excuse is but there has to be something wrong with his eyesight based on the fact that he has only completed 60% of his passes ONCE in his nine year career.
Nick Fury is an exceptional combatant and gifted field leader. Although Vick has never lead his team to a superbowl victory, he has shown impressive skill and leadership on the field by playing through injuries and sacrificing his own body to get the win.

Honorable Mentions – DeMarcus Ware (bald black guy), London Fletcher (another bald black guy), Ed Reed (black guy with facial hair).

Loki:

Marvel – Nicknamed the “God of Evil”, Loki possesses a brilliant intellect. However, his arrogance, his passionate hatred of Thor, and all-consuming lust for power greatly impeded his ability to bring his well-laid plans to fruition. He is an expert manipulator and schemer, is sometimes armed with a sword, a whip, or a three-pronged spear and has used magical items to enhance his powers. Loki, unsuccessfully, tried many times to seize rulership of Asgard and to destroy Thor.

NFL – Donovan McNabb. He spent 11 seasons as the poster boy for the Philadelphia Eagles and although he tried and tried to seize rulership of the Lombardi trophy, he fell short…time after time, after time, after time…That is FOUR times in a row, from 2001-2004, that he took the Eagles to the NFC Championship game. Finally, in 2004, he won the game to take his team to the superbowl, but McNabb (aka Loki) was outplayed by his counterpart, Tom Brady (playing the part of Thor in this example) and the Eagles lost their only chance at a superbowl since 1980. Now he sits alone, teamless and superbowl-less…go find JaMarcus Russell, I am sure he will be your friend.